my fav straight person thing is when they threaten to be homophobic if we dont respect them as allies
Madison Fay. My blog is mostly political and feminist. My goal is to inform and educate people. (I'm a cisgender pansexual white female. Feminine pronouns work fine for me)
"My response to the “I am not a feminist” internet phenomenon….
First of all, it’s clear you don’t know what feminism is. But I’m not going to explain it to you. You can google it. To quote an old friend, “I’m not the feminist babysitter.”
But here is what I think you should know.
You’re insulting every woman who was forcibly restrained in a jail cell with a feeding tube down her throat for your right to vote, less than 100 years ago.
You’re degrading every woman who has accessed a rape crisis center, which wouldn’t exist without the feminist movement.
You’re undermining every woman who fought to make marital rape a crime (it was legal until 1993).
You’re spitting on the legacy of every woman who fought for women to be allowed to own property (1848). For the abolition of slavery and the rise of the labor union. For the right to divorce. For women to be allowed to have access to birth control (Comstock laws). For middle and upper class women to be allowed to work outside the home (poor women have always worked outside the home). To make domestic violence a crime in the US (It is very much legal in many parts of the world). To make workplace sexual harassment a crime.
In short, you know not what you speak of. You reap the rewards of these women’s sacrifices every day of your life. When you grin with your cutsey sign about how you’re not a feminist, you ignorantly spit on the sacred struggle of the past 200 years. You bite the hand that has fed you freedom, safety, and a voice.
In short, kiss my ass, you ignorant little jerks.”"
Anonymous said: What are the signs of emotional abuse?
Abusive Expectations - Makes impossible demands, requires constant attention, and constantly criticizes.
Aggressing - Name calling, accusing, blames, threatens or gives orders, and often disguised as a judgmental “I know best” or “helping” attitude.
Constant Chaos - Deliberately starts arguments with you or others. May treat you well in front of others, but changes when you’re alone.
Rejecting - Refusing to acknowledge a person’s value, worth or presence. Communicating that he or she is useless or inferior or devaluing his or her thoughts and feelings.
Denying - Denies personal needs (especially when need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.
Degrading - Any behavior that diminishes the identity, worth or dignity of the person such as: name-calling, mocking, teasing, insulting, ridiculing,
Emotional Blackmail - Uses guilt, compassion, or fear to get what he or she wants.
Terrorizing - Inducing intense fear or terror in a person, by threats or coercion.
Invalidation - Attempts to distort your perception of the world by refusing to acknowledge your personal reality. Says that your emotions and perceptions aren’t real and shouldn’t be trusted.
Isolating - Reducing or restricting freedom and normal contact with others.
Corrupting - Convincing a person to accept and engage in illegal activities.
Exploiting - Using a person for advantage or profit.
Minimizing - A less extreme form of denial that trivializes something you’ve expressed as unimportant or inconsequential.
Unpredictable Responses - Gets angry and upset in a situation that would normally not warrant a response. You walk around on eggshells to avoid any unnecessary drama over innocent comments you make. Drastic mood swings and outbursts.
Gaslighting -A form of psychological abuse involving the manipulation of situations or events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions and memories. Gaslighting causes victims to constantly second-guess themselves and wonder if they’re losing their minds.
The last one is a killer and very important.
If there were a competition for false advertising, the much - talked - about trailer for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie would walk away with first prize. The trailer is filled with scenes of wealth - from Christian Grey’s office to his private plane - and scenes of him and Anastasia having what looks like hot consensual sex in elevators and bedrooms. The signs of wealth are important in both the book and the trailer because they act as a kind of up-market cleansing cream for his abuse, and his pathological attachment to Anastasia is reframed as devotion, since he showers luxury items on her. I doubt that Anastasia would be so bowled over by Christian if he were living on unemployment benefits in a rundown shack, eating cereal for dinner.
If we move from the trailer to the book, the sex isn’t so much hot as violent and dehumanizing. Christian has a thing for what is generally called sadomasochism in the popular press, but in the book what we see is pure sadism carried out by a sophisticated predator who knows how to groom vulnerable girls. While Anastasia is supposed to be 21 in the book, she acts and speaks like an adolescent (“Holy crap!” is her favorite saying), even when being beaten by Christian the sadist. In the trailer she is wearing what could pass for a Catholic school uniform with a plaid skirt and a cardigan, a marker of her immature status.
In the trailer we see a heavy make-out scene in an elevator that looks mutual and kind of fun. In the book, however, Anastasia is taken aback by Christian’s idea of intimacy. Not surprising given how she describes it: “Before I know it, he’s got both of my hands in his viselike grip above my head, and he’s pinning me to the wall using his lips … His other hand grabs my hair and yanks down, bringing my face up, and his lips are on mine … ” For those of us brought up in the age of a feminism that demanded hot sex that was equal and consensual, we would have run for our lives from Christian. But not Anastasia, who keeps coming back for more.
A few chapters on, we get a clear vision of how Christian’s foreplay has progressed into full-blown violence: “Suddenly he grabs me, tipping me across his lap. With one smooth movement, he angles his body so my torso is resting on the bed beside him. He throws his right leg over both mine and plants his left forearm on the small of my back, holding me down so I cannot move … He places his hand on my naked behind, softly fondling me, stroking around and around with his flat palm. And then his hand is no longer there … and he hits me - hard.”
In the trailer there is a hint of some of the violence that is about to come Anastasia’s way when he tells her “I don’t do romance” and warns her that “I am incapable of leaving you alone.” Stalker talk, for sure! In his book on batterers, Lundy Bancroft provides a list of potentially dangerous signs to watch out for from boyfriends. Needless to say, Christian is the poster boy of the list, not only with his jealous, controlling, stalking, sexually sadistic behavior, but his hypersensitivity to what he perceives as any slight against him, his whirlwind romancing of a younger, less powerful woman, and his Jekyll-and-Hyde mood swings. Any one of these is potentially dangerous, but a man who exhibits them all is lethal.
But in true Hollywood style, the last scene of the trailer is of Anastasia having an orgasm as she is blindfolded and tied to a bed. Likewise, the book also ends happily ever after with the sadist and his submissive - yes, that is what he calls her in a contract he asks her to sign outlining the ways he intends to control her - living in wedded bliss with children in a beautiful house.
The most likely real-world ending of Fifty Shades of Grey is fifty shades of black and blue. The awful truth in the real world is that women who partner with a Christian Grey often end up hightailing it to a battered women’s shelter with traumatized kids in tow. The less fortunate end up in graveyards. But my guess is a movie that ends with a funeral and weeping children will not pull in the millions that this film promises to earn. Happy Valentine’s Day!"